♥ March 03, 2012 ♥
Do you feel cold and lost in desperation? Remember all the sadness and frustration, let it go, let it go ~
Okay, my parents just revealed something shocking to me earlier in the day. Am still reeling from the impact caused. It's nothing bad about me, so no worries... but rather, it's about... some person. That i've known since young. And the thing is, i have never realised. Never. It's so surreal... and i somehow cannot get my head around it. It's like it's a dream, something that happened on another universe, it's so unbelievable. I feel all messed up inside now. i think i like my world better. The world where nothing bad happens. Where reality doesn't strike where it hurts most. To think i've been living in my own peaceful world till recently. My life was a perfect dream. But now i realise, what i had on then were rose-tinted glasses. This world is screwed up. There isn't and never will be perfection. Betweeen the span of a mere one year +, i've grown up so much, known so much more about the world, lamented the idiosyncrasies of life, and experienced sorrow. My rose-tinted glasses are broken. Or rather, they are a misfit now. My vision, of life at least, has deteriorated. I now hold a little insight to all the sad songs of the world. Before sec three struck, life was filled with pastel colours. Now, all i see are earthy colours. But now that i can see true beauty in nature, i can also sense the sorrow. Because behind every facade of perfection, there will always be or have been an intense internal struggle. Depression. Desperation. Then the secrets of the earth will be forced out. But... it's just so... unfair. Life IS unfair. Life is so bittersweet. It's criminal how complicated life can be. There isn't even a terms and conditions page for life. If there is, i think the world population would not hit seven billion. Overpopulation would cease to occur; instead there would be underpopulation, which is yet another problem. So you see, there isn't a perfect world. And there never will be. The world is too... obstinate to strike a perfect balance. So let's just pray and keep faith. Don't give up. But that, of course, is easier said than done. Theres this poem called Five Ways to Kill a Man that ms tnee gave us during lit. It talks about how as the level of technology increases, humanity decreases. I think it makes perfect sense. The world is getting screwed over, period. And the thing is, it's screwing itself. Thats all for now. I have to go. Adieu. May i revel in my rosy memories.
7:20 PM
♥ February 12, 2012 ♥
Hey hey! :) haha so yeah, yesterday was Fel's sweet sixteenth. As well as taylor lautner's. and many others beside. and today is abraham lincoln's bday! :) and tuesday is valentine's day. And wed is TDD. and next wed is thinking day. Hahaha can miss PE! :D cos need wear full u for the whole day for both wednesdays. hehehehe. unless we change out of full u into pe lah. but i dun think need. bahahaha. so... lets see. this week im gonna have physics test on circuits and electrostatics and my e math test on the practical situations shyte. which, WHAT? E math leh! why some qn so hard de???? like the interest rate, what, flat rate and compound interest, simple interest, whatever? i do until want to pek chek alr. such that i went into semi-mental mode and caused my mum to tell me to calm down. hahahaha. crazy person here. losing my marbles alr. but i found a marble in the phy lab inside the drawer of my seat. but the next time i went it disappeared alr. i think? haha. i digress. oh andand, AHHHHHHHHHHHHH physics and chem SPA in a couple of weeks!!!!! :O scary. OMG. i better score well for the SPAs man. but i damn nervy sia. i v scared i'd mess up. AND THE STUPID ERROR THING. the (whats that called?) i forget alr. hahahaha ermmmm... rly forget le hahaha nvm. basically im not real good at it. hehe. but idk. Wahhh i hope optics come out for phy SPA man. cos that one we do like 3 times alr. become 熟能生巧 lo. hahaha. ytd watched 步步惊心 until one in the morning with my parents. its damn addictive lah. hahaha but wells. hmm. tired today :) later must go and do up my valentine's day notes! :)) okay lemme just play a game of tetris. Oh and btw its super hot today. ugh. okay shall switch on the aircon im just steaming down here. ... okay damn fail. anyway. oh and for the record, i failed chem test. AGAIN. omg. can this failing streak just STOP already. and i sorta flunked my e math test. i shld have gotten 21/30. but somehow the teacher just gave me 19. and she marked our papers without any answer/marking scheme. so we dun even know if she marked our answers correctly. or if we could have gotten more marks. wtffff. can liddat de meh? she claimed to be able to memorise the marking scheme after a few papers. O.o unconventional much? anyway. on to better things. lets talk bout cca. yeah. gratified cos on friday we were having footdrill training. and me and the manito were the commanders. hahaha the squad was the sec 3s plus a few sec fours. idk how to scold more fiercely. i think they like not afraid of us de lor. sigh. our batch is the last batch of good ppl who have the sense to respect our seniors. the rest GG alr. laughing even while marching. huh. and then no space in foyer liao go to the carpark behind classroom block then was blisteringly hot then the sec 3s complain complain complain. Hello? Fyi, the sec 4s have been training there since sec 1. THEY have the fortune to be trained under shelter. huh. dunnno whats good for them lah. not our business. but still. i sound very short. cos im... not feeling so fly. but well. gotta go back to my graphs and practical situations soon. tetris battles first. bah. this post de vocab sentence structure paragraphing damn cui. forgive me, bloggie. im not in the mood to perfect my wording in this post. yeah. oh yeah ahahahahahaha and this week we had our fire emergency drill in the middle of hum lesson. when mdm yehidaah was showing us the hitler video. and then suddenly the emergency bell rang. and everybody thought it was part of the video. hahahahahahaha epic fail sia. then we went to the field and sat on the grass when we got tired of squatting. hehe. i sound so soulless. like android liddat. whatever. i FEEL like an android now. haha. oh and on fri after sch we celebrated fel's bday. in advance lah. then it was all much hoo-ha cos banana forgot to get a cake the prev day. and so me, ben and lina chiong to clementi mall to get one. and then we chiong back to sch to find that there was no classroom available on the fourth floor to stage our little celebration. cos the band ppl took up all the rooms. except our classroom lah. but that one the guys were inside alr. so also cannot lor. then 4c1 classroom also occupied. and 4b1 got HCL test going on. so no choice had to go to canteen. then we finally lit the candle which initially was determined not to be lit. and sang a super speedy birthday song. and fel made a wish, blew out the candle, after which i had to chiong to guides room. only to find that I WAS LOCKED OUT AGAIN. =.= yeah but thing is i WASNT LATE. hahaaha so i went to get the key and changed quickly. like last week lah. ya then liddat lor. no mood to continue storytelling session le. go do hw liao. Adieu, folks! :)
4:49 PM
5:27 PM
♥ February 05, 2012 ♥
IM SO ON EDGE TODAY. seriously, i gotta learn to take things in my stride or else my health's gonna suffer. okay so after a millennia of pointless debacle on a mere six words, and an enlightening convo w/ haolie, the very PERSON who essentially started the domino, okay so perhaps, just perhaps, i might have seen the light. okay so maybe i DO take things too seriously, but still... fine. maybe i am just too edgy right now. i needa calm down. keep calm and have a cupcake :) okay.
damn it IE suddenly stopped working. but nvm. keep the peace :) k anyway, jy for E math test tmr, all. hope to have some good news to report when next i come. See ya!
xx
9:56 PM
♥ ♥
I'm feeling pissed at anything and everything. At the world. At myself. At ppl. At my ignorance. At how fail the world is. At how fail I am. this thing about not giving a damn? it aint working out. First few days and im ready to give all up and have a major sob fest. i cant take it anymore. somehow when im feeling down like now, i like to torture myself more. Emotional torture, of course. And plus i feel so dumb for feeling down. imma teenager, i have my whole life stretching in front of me, i aint supposed to be feeling down. I AM HAPPY. just not at the present. sounds so forceful. and i dun think im able to maintain such a happy demeanor anymore after this frking debacle. which is plain stupidity in its entirety. im sorry for abusing you so, bloggie, but stuff needs to be unloaded off my mind. if not i will go stark raving bonkers. stupid stupid shyte. why is the world so... not nice? sometimes? seems like the world will never be bright again. it is at times like this that i regret being a gemini. cos we're a dual, so when we are happy, we are VERY happy, but when we are sad, we sink into utter depression, and the happy memories come back to haunt me. im not used to this. being so sad and all. i just feel like screaming and throwing a hissy fit and smashing things, but... i dun have the energy to do it. so i shall just imagine it. but maybe im just being a selfish, unreasonable retard. more like a normal teenager, i would say. BUT. yeah. idk how ppl have to gorge themselves when they are sad, i have absolutely no appetite when im sad. everything looks unappetizing. hmm. just feel like curling up and crying my eyes out. i imagine in my head theres this box of all my unhappiness, so i just envision myself throwing it out. its comforting, a tad sadistic, but it helps relieve the tension. it's almost seven. gawd, i cant believe im actually saying this, but it sucks being sad, cos its so hard to maintain the sad mood. its like i have to constantly remind myself that im sad, if not i will just auto go back to happy mode. im unnatural, i know. its international kissing day. and valentine's day is coming soon. and okay, im an android. im feeling appeased now. so fast change liao. hahaha. but still theres all those snaking veins of unhappiness. entrapping me. incarceration. but whatever. i shall choose to ignore them. FEEL TEH FORCE!!!! of moi. hehe. my head's bursting. bah. i feel super confused. nvm. i shall go listen to happy songs. aye aye. shall hug my pillow. so okay. i have come to a conclusion. the root of my unhappiness basically stems from my dissatisfaction at myself. so i have brought all these crap on myself? i shall keep a low profile thens. an even lower profile than before. like almost scraping the floor. like real lah. im not about to bow to circumstances. esp if i had brought them upon myself. keke. still feeling abit sad. BUT WHO CARES? IM NOT A GIRL, NOT YET A WOMAN. ITS TIME I FACE UP TO THIS ON MY OWN. i dunno what to say anymore. so adieu!
6:32 PM
♥ ♥
<-- in light of international kissing day :)
xx
Moi [it sounds like "mwah" :) so apt!]
4:08 PM
♥ February 04, 2012 ♥
http://shopruche.com/midsummer-dream-indie-neckalce.html#NP=3812e8008fb1a635480585d79f6be30b
http://shopruche.com/romantic-fiction-necklace-by-amano-studio.html#NP=966f6f739ab118a93787a4ade6b68379
http://shopruche.com/fawn-fields-charm-necklace.html#NP=6a5b55fce52c31c563d8ae465ed7e45e
Hi! I'm baaaack! :D hehe so yeah i was browsing through shopruche.com (i think their stuff is awesome, btw, just sad that they havent and probably aint gonna set up shop here in sg) and i discovered these treasures! :)) esp the first one, called midsummer dream. Awesome name, awesome accessory. It was the name that caught my eye - probably cos i was reminded of a midsummer night's dream. (<< its a v nice name for a story!) okay i know im very hiao and all to be looking at this stuff but whatever. imma girl. i TEENAGE girl, i might add. Taking a liking to looking for nice stuff is in my genes. muahahaha. sorta.
Yeah, so in the afternoon when i was feeling moody for no reason whatsoever, i randomly wrote a poem in the notes app in the itouch, and discovered that conjuring up a poem is a very effective stress-kill. It murders the ill-feelings. Annihilate them. Uses chemical warfare on them. Like hitler. hahaha. but i digress. So anyway, yeah, ppl should try this method to stop being so emo. I realise that as angsty teenagers it's our right to be emo and stuff but sometimes being emo gets boring. Unlike laughing. The previous previous (i know, i know. fail vocab lah. or just to float anybody's lousy sampan of a boat, THE ONE BEFORE THE LAST) hum lesson mdm yehidaah showed us some ultra funny pics as a commercial break and i laughed so hard i felt like puking. Like, okay sorry lah, i get tickled pink easily. Esp when its gotta do with words. Which is prolly why i like to stalk damnyouautocorrect so much. im in tune with words. hahaha. its like all the alphabets have colours and shapes and stuff in my head, so when i look at a word it sorta have forms to me. Which is damn interesting. Cos words' form usually correspond to their meanings. Which is also why it's quite easy to rmb their spelling perfectly. One misplaced letter and the entire word looks wrong. But that could be because i know how to spell the word lah. But you get my point, i assume? This time when i assume, imma notta makinga an ass out of u and me :) not like Bottom in midsummer night's dream... now THAT is supremely asinine behavior, according to ms tnee. Yeah so i was saying, thats why in a poem, you gotta take special note of your words, cos there might be a better word to suit the line, or the theme, or whatever. cos then when you make improvements the whole line will look better. More handsome. And pretty. more chio. hahaha. crazy person here : the feeling aint so strong sometimes, but its fine. im a little mathematically inclined too, okay! if i wasnt i think i also fail out of school alr, wts. but math is good in itself too. esp when you can solve a hard qns. ESP ESP SO for A math qns. and recently, science is looking pretty appealing too. Uh-oh. i get that sometimes. flashes of liking for science. But words and math have always been treating me well. and i return the favour too, okay! :) i treat them with care. hehe. yeah, well. maybe this post shows up my craziness. so im a spazz, get over it. it wont be the first time.
Oh yeah and also, this thing that im venturing on now, being bochap about stuff - well, it aint so fly, apparently. or else its just that before this i have alr 得罪 some ppl beforehand. but really. ppl dun oughta be so uptight about things. im just an innocent passer-by, as is what ms li wrote on the board when she came in for awhile to invigilate the chi test. i mean well, even when you dun appear to sense it. or at least, i dun mean any harm. (OH, and did i mention i HATE it when ppl dun reply to my tweets? it gets me so... down. the unwanted feeling. but im working on ignoring that feeling. cos it downright sucks.) yeah. sometimes the going gets tough for me too. be understanding, so goodness' sake. dun so petty leh. sometimes also 很难做人. you cant help but tread on some ppl's toes. esp when you're on the way up. Inevitable...
Yeah, andand theres this flash fiction thing on LOVE!!!!!! six words to tell a story on love. for valentine's day. its technically a lit thing, but the whole sch's gonna be involved, so its english-based. i've alr thought of mine! :D but maybe it still can be improved upon. hehe. im a lit student and im uber proud of it. in the best way possible lah :) not in the snotty way, definitely. its a real awesome project, and im glad to be part of it. hahaha.
oh, and ppl are dropping subjects left right centre. and if you happen to be one of them, and i have said congratulations or something to that effect to you, yeah, i mean it. in a good way. cos if i havent been able to cope with any particular subject, i would have been glad to get rid of it. i understand that ppl are feeling ultra meh and down in e dumps bout dropping (also, dun 逞强. im a gemini; i can totally pick up on your feelings instinctively), but hey, be civil, at least. it IS a good thing that you drop a subject you cant cope with. its perfectly fine. no one's gonna bitch to you about anything. see, this is one thing that i find very hard to 做人. you tell me that you dropped a subject, become seven subber, what dyou expect me to say? "oh that sucks, downgrade liao, whatever"????? thats downright cruel, and stupid, honestly. last year two seven subbers got the second and third best O lvl results across the level. beating the crap out of the two best classes minus one person (the valedictorian) like nobody's business. otherwise, might i suggest you dun take offence when i congratulate you? cos when you cant be sad about it, be happy. BE POSITIVE, ALL RIGHT?????? this is so stupid. i FEEL stupid having to explain this in my blog. i mean, seriously ppl, you are feeling down, ppl dun support your dropping, just IGNORE THEM AND FOLLOW YOUR HEART. Is it so difficult???? its your choice whatttt. if you drop and happen to become the next valedictorian then my congratulations would have been apt, if a little pre-mediated. if you dont, well, at least you'd have a huge load off your mind. if i had taken triple science i would have been the first freaking person to start the whole dropping subject domino. i came so close to suffering that ignominy, so just you dun BS me about being heartless or some shyte. okay im just pissing myself off. cool, zen. bah. still feel like crap. shall chiong tetris battle to un-upset myself. [BTW, can you believe that PASSING REMARK I MADE SOME TIME AGO MADE SOMEONE DUN LIKE ME???? I mean, come ON. talk about being unreasonable. so i've basically pissed a few ppl off just by being me. HELLO??? you've spent so much time with me alr, and NOW you find me an eyesore?? slow reflexes? i get that workloads are getting heavier, tempers are getting shorter, ppl are becoming bitches, its the way life works, GET OVER IT ALREADY. i realise that i become pissed off more easily now. but im a gemini, you know what they say. piss off a gemini and you'll live to regret it. we forgive, but we never forget. ever. Oh, the many umpteen perils of trying to be nice to ppl who cant see it for what they're worth. even worse are ppl who misunderstand your effort and take it the wrong way. i smile at you when u pass by my table, cos i dun dislike you in anyway and you havent offended me and you are my classmate. huh. anyway.
okay gtg now. bro home liao. at midnight. sigh. life is full of untold complications. anyway. goodbye. this gotta be the most solemn salutation in the history of this blog. haiz. cant be helped. anw, ta for now...
10:53 PM
♥ February 03, 2012 ♥
:) hello! see i started this post with a smiley. Hahaha. Yeah, anyway, just glad that Chi and chem tests are over and done with. Like, finally lah. Now we're just left with the Emath test! :) but idk if i'll score well for chem tho :O it was quite hard. But it was difficult across the board lah, so whatever. Haiz. This has been quite a tiring week. But hey, it's the weekends now! :D and MY NEW BED IS ARRIVING ON THURSDAY!!!!!!!! Yay! :D bahahaha. And my nice nice bed sheets... Ahhhhhhh awesomeness ttm :)
But still, there ARE still some factors to be considered. Stuff that are frankly, unnecessary. Because as i've realised, the less i give a damn bout stupid stuff, the more freeing it is for me. Like how just now i was having a heart-to-heart (sorta) with the banana after school in the canteen... and was almost late for CCA. Hahaha. And i got punishment, not for being almost-late but for not ting parallel shoelaces o.o been a looong time since i did punishment le haha. OH and bahahaha i know this is totally out of the blue but during chem test i wrote down the reactivity series on the periodic table sheet and forgot to erase it. Hahahahaha. PLEASE STOP CALLING ME A ZEBRA: I LOVE HAVING COLOURED STRIPES (+ GOLD)!! :D totally kick-ass acronyms. So easy to rmb! :) hehehe. I realise i cuss quite alot. Keke dun care. It is a proven method of stress-relief. Really! And on fb i learnt that bananas have alot of...erm... good stuff. HAHA i dunno why i cant think of another way to phrase it! its healthy lah basically. hahaha. my last year in ctss le. Some will go with me to the same jc. Hope those who do will be nice ppl :) Life is full of contradictions. It was made that way. Maybe aliens have it better. But how sad is living when beings from another planet are constantly speculating about your species' existence? Okay I am the sad one. Still. The older you get, the more complications you gotta deal with. Like that de lor. Cant be helped. Ppl change, for better or for worse, and you just gotta accept that and move on. You yourself change, too, but - keep the faith. Like this blog :) so jy, ppl. We still have a loooong way to go. (Hey why dun have that "en" word? :( the one with the 口字旁and an 恩 at the right. hmm. anyway. movin on.)
So yeah, gotta stop here for now even tho i am BURSTING with stuff to say. Cos my bro is waiting for e com le. and i super tired liao. So goodbye! zaijian! sayonara! annyung-kaseyo! au revoir! :) hehe
Adieu! :D
9:33 PM
